Silent Screams :'(

:'( Silent OR make people hear you?? :'(

I NEED HELP.
I AM VERY LONELY.


* my bro beat me, dad support him. Dad has beat me before in the past. Mom supported me. Dad beat her because she supported me. Uncle came N tried to stop but they were unstoppable. I called police and we had to stay at family place. now 'home' but it is like prison.




whenever i tell somebody that, they ask me WHY, what i did.

We (mom, me, dad, bro) were watching football after the movie finished in movie channel. Me and mom were cutting vegetables sitting on the sofa n watching movie now n then. N i asked why the stadium is so empty. i don't recall mom or dad replied it's 'en cloture'. I not understood the word and asked 'kieter sa?'. Dad insulted me "sa en mot to pas conner, to pane lire." I said "mo pane lire, mo ene iliterate, mo p coz ar mama moi, ki ou p gagner".

U kw in the past dad has ever told me "facon to cozer cumandire en illiterate". I rarely watch tv. Most of the time i am on pc and/or locked in my room.


After about 30minutes when me + mom finish with the vegetables, she took all things n went in the kitchen to leave it. Bro went in kitchen. Started shouting at the top of his voice that i should fall on dad's feet and ask him pardon. He was ordering mom to make me do that. Then ran to living room where watch tv and started beat me. He was bashing and bashing me with his fists. When he beating me, mom tried stop him. I don't know where how i had fallen, collided with sofa edge. I was lying flat on the floor and he bashing me on my head. Me tried fight him. I could here mom voice yelling. My uncle who leaves nearby came to separate. He and bro were in the yard.

Mom, dad and i were in living room now and dad started shouting at mom "to soutire li". He took the tea cup n throwed it on mom face. I came between N my shirt and hair were drenched. I looked at him and asked- am i at fault? "moi ki en tor la?" He shouted "Oui!! Oui !! li bon pu toi". N started bashing mom. I tried stop him.

In the past he had ever bashed mom in front of me and had also bashed me many many times.

In the meantime i saw bro ran in the corridor and coming to beat me. He started again. I don't know what i did with my hands. This time even tried strangle my neck. I was trying and trying to pull away. I was breathless. Mom was yelling "Arvind! Arvind! ". I don't know who pulled him away. N finally i could breathe. Now i was standing and looking at all of them. Bro was trying start again. Saw uncle shouting don't stay here, go in your room.

Me and mom locked ourself in room. They where knocking the door with their fist very loudly. This just continued and continued and continued. Heard bro say, break the door. N after that they shouted cause u r not opening. cuz of that also u wil get beaten "La coz sa aussi mo pu batter, zot pas pu ouvert, ouvert!". Coup sa la port la, ar sa mem mo pu coup zot. I could not hear him now, there was only dad voice. He was saying things in bhojpuri that your mom did sex with dog and u were born. Dad was not there. Dad does not exist. N he kept saying that i several times. He was bashing the door as if wana break it. Then i could hear bashing on the window plane also.

Just next the room there is a road and sugarcane fields. Inside my room there is windows and my bed just next.

That was bro shouting that he will break the window plane and put fire. He was shouting "tremp siffon petrol". N kept bashing the window plane. I looked at that direction of the window. Just there lies on my table, my mobile. I called 999 no one answered. Kept trying but in vain. I sms my bestfriend, gave all details name + address and asked to call police fast. In return all that was treated very lightly asking what happened and losts of miss calls. I had no time to explain cause they could come into the room anytime. That moment i sms my bestfriend telling "i am ashamed to call U my friend". Then mom started asking what am i doing. Told her don't kw. I tried 150. the operator talked and gave me triolet police station number. As if i had lost my mind, could not recall or take the number. Asked him to dial it himself and make it quick. He did but no one answered. N he told me "personne ne repond". asked him the number again. Now i called myself still no answer. I dial 150 again n another operator replied. Took the number and called. Gave the police my name, address and mobile number on the phone. Till that all the noise continued about wanting to break window plane and break door. I felt so much at lost. Called at aunty L place and belsoeur picked up phone and talked to her. I called the police again, told them they are trying cut door N make fastest possible.

After some time there was a silence. I heard something like car engine. Mom saying go out but me thinking they took my mobile phone number and will call when i got to go out. Nothing, just silence. Mom saying go else the police wil go away. We thinking twice before open door. When in the living room, i heard a voice asking "in arriv kitchose ici?" and Dad voice replying "non". I just step out of the house N saw him shake hands with the officer. And another white car parked, that was a friend of my dad who oftens comes 'home' ; a police officer.

Then i was in front of them,screaming that i called them. It is me who called them. The police asked what happened. Mom started explaining. It was all a mess, mom and dad shouting. When they finished shouting me was shouting that all questions i am answering and my bro who has been bashing, for him no one asking a question. All the questions my dad answered. Bro was roaming on the street. Dad was shouting "to pena manier, samem tone apran". I streamed, "sa en proffeseur college, sa manier li ena!". I also told at the top of my voice"ki serti zot policier". What's the use they are police officers.

Then bro came and started ordering that this is not a way and that i must fall on my dad feet and ask pardon. My dad then added -"avan dans lacaz mo ti p faire, aster dan chemin mo pu faire. Dormit long la, tombe lor mo lipied". I told him, that this is not HE who saying that but bro who is saying that. Then the (uncle) off duty police officer, said calmer. The police officers stood silent watching N a moment when i looked at him he said, "pu rester ici?".

SHIT!!!! I am tired writing all these . .. . will continue later.

Well, then the uncle, off duty police officer, said stay at a family place. Was taking me + mom to his house but then on the way, we decided to go to some other family place.

Went there and lots of explanation, naration, cries, even the members of the relatives, aunty L said, "si autant so latete pas bon, li bisin ale get en docteur". That was for my dad. Also the relatives' members said when i told about break window plane and put fire "chiffon petrole", belsoeur said-"pas dire cumsa...eih sa pas dire". When i told about lying flat on the street and falling on feet, belsoeur said "sauvage!". Also added if people get to know, who will marry such a boy. Ayo, marrying is too far, who will accept giving him his daughter.

In the meantime, uncle S who lives as neighbour next door came. He was also hearing all the talks. When i said about police complain he said, he will loose his work if i do so-"li pu perdi so place travail". My cousins were there too saying "trouver quand faire cumsa en zenfant ki arriver" . I felt as if i was a "tamasa", just like people watching cinema, they watching all my streams, tears, cries . . .Another cousin said, "dans marriage montagnelongue ki li ti faire". What he did at that wedding, when i asked him when he was at my place, he was just silent and not spoke anything. Then another said, now he will be corrected-"aster li pu corriger" but the other said-"huh sa jamais li pas pu corriger". He will never get corrected.

Well wedding at montagnlongue was some 10 years ago thing. I don't remember dates.

Then i asked aunty L if i could use her phone. She asking why. I told her i just wana gather some information "renseignment". In the car, uncle(police officer) had told me, "pas met zafair la police la dans, zafaire famillial li fair villain". I asked what can i do N he had said-"go to family protection unit".

Well, i could feel how much aunty L was stressed. She prevented me from using the telephone which is in the living room but told me to stay there in front of her in the kitchen saying-"taler to papa vine en coup", who knows your dad might just appear.

Ok i listened to her. In the meantime i don't know how many times i went to the toilet. Cried my heart out, and i think everybody heard that.

In kitchen again, uncle S said "pas met case". His place will be lost. Well that was something i didn't know, that is when somebody working for the government commits such a crime he loses his government job.

A moment i thought of future. N thought how hard its been for my mom, who is supporting me now, to make my bro come to that level and get that post. Is that the price she got to pay for supporting me? I was all confused. Then aunty L was telling, you know since belsoeur told me about your phone call, i am not able to things i was doing, that is her household work and cooking. Then i answered her, Oh yes you are not able do that and me will i be able to work/study like this?

At that moment, cousin suggested that i not go work some days, but i said i cannot because there they evaluate performance.

U know on friday itself i was absent, and went to Dr PRN who had given me new doses of pills(anti-depressant and vitamins).

Uncle L and aunty L went to my 'home', accompanied by belsoeur and cousin. Belsoeur also asked, what she could bring for me. And when come back, uncle L said that my dad told him- "ou cuma en grand papa pu moi, Allez! Allez!". Cousin said, "sa line dire". He used big faulty language.

It is not the first time that such thing has happen with me. Since last two months i am on anti-depressive. PLEASE HELP ME. I don't know what to do. At times i feel i will go mad. :'(